Mad World.

Let me first say, this Tears For Fears song encapsulates what I’m feeling:

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses,
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow,
No tomorrow, no tomorrow.

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad
That the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had

I find it hard to tell you
‘Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very

Mad world, mad world.

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sits and listen, sits and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad
That the dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had

I find it hard to tell you
‘Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very

Mad world, mad world.

 

The lyrics are fairly bleak, especially when draped against a semi-techno/electronica and fast paced instrumental movement. Though the song is much darker to me than my thoughts, it really fit how I’m feeling right now. I guess that is…stuck. Torn between what my life was and is, and moving onward to different things, I am somewhat scared. I’m scared to lose forever people who made my life lovely to be living. Simultaneously, it’s terribly stale to be in Fort Collins and just live, with everyone else’s grand and marvelous plans to visit other places and live in different cities and countries. It seems like everyone is slackening their line of connection with me, breaking out to move on, and what awaits me? That I don’t quite know yet. I shouldn’t get too melancholy though, because I do have the certainty that wherever I go, there God will be and he’ll provide for the me things I need. Warmth from community and companionship, and those other basics like food, shelter, etc. So that does give me comfort. Even when I don’t want to believe it, and I may rage against believing it, I am certain that I can hold on to that solitary comfort.

I’d say I’m very grateful for the changes about to take place. School starting. Moving out. Who knows what else will come my way. Above it all, whatever I am doing, I hope it leads to (or is) something great in my ultimate purpose.

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