Drought

I’m growing tired of summer. It’s just, I don’t feel so close to God right now. And…I don’t really know in what way I want to be drawn closer. I guess it struck me today that i don’t go to church and I haven’t been able to sing or write or play or read or do anything devotedly that usually makes me feel as though I’m just a little bit nearer my Abba. I don’t know what to do, because it’s not as if I’m doing nothing to attempt to be closer, but I’m just feeling far away. Not that I’m out of His reach, just that I’m loose with my affection and it’s caught up to me and I feel the ache. I want God to cast His net out and catch me with it. I don’t feel as though I’m drowning in the separation of it all, but I just don’t feel close to Him and His magnanimous omnipresence. Despite this, I’m going to keep telling myself, “But God’s there, I know, deep in the being of my soul….I can’t quite sense it, but I know it’s true.”

I guess that’s what believing in a truth rather than your feelings is. I always spiral off of my emotions and that is always a volatile and treacherous road because many people, including myself, tend to get misunderstood, confused and hurt. But by admitting that I can’t feel God, yet I still believe he’s here with me, seems to be the idea that I could never grasp, that you believe in a truth bigger than yourself, greater than the feelings you have, which are fleeting, because it comes from the great and mighty Yahweh.

“I am dry and thirsty Lord
Send Your rain, send Your rain.
Lord I need Your touch again
Send Your rain, send Your rain.

Let it rain let it pour from heaven,
Let it rain to revive my soul,
I need your rain, I need your streams of refreshing
Until I thirst no more.”

I really want to sing.

I want to do things for You, Jesus, that I never would have attempted otherwise, but for the reality that you are here.

Advertisement